Last year

Last year was not my best year. I was very bitter, and negative. Of course, someone never realizes any of this until after the fact. But I acknowledge my faults, and this year I have been doing what I can to make things right. I've been reflecting on the differences of 2012 and 2013. Last year was draining. Last year I had a lot to learn. Last year I had my third baby for crying out loud!! Last year I was consumed with getting Luke's diabetes under control. And that is pretty much how long it took, almost a year. Only a parent of a young child with diabetes knows how draining and tiring it is to literally have someone's life in your hands. The amount of time it takes out of your day to check blood, count carbs, and give insulin is a lot when you have 3 small children to take care of. There are many sleepless nights, there are often many days that diabetes consumes you because your child isn't having a "good day." Whether it be trying to keep them from going low because of activity or bring them down from having high blood sugar. I know last year I was not the best person I could be. I know I didn't give my oldest son the attention he deserved...or my husband for that matter. There were many things put on the back burner to take care of my newborn, and to manage Luke's diabetes. There was strain on relationships and friendships. I may have said mean things to people, or acted childish at times. The bottom line is, I was mad and overwhelmed. There was nothing left in me. Taking care of Luke and the baby literally drained me. It took everything in me to portray to others that everything was just fine. If something great was happening to another, I turned it negative. Probably because I was jealous. Probably because everything in my life had come to a halt with Luke's diagnosis. Probably because I felt alone. No matter how many people said "I understand," they didn't. There was absolutely no way any person could understand what it was like having a 6 year old in kindergarten, a newborn, and a 3 year old newly diagnosed with diabetes. Will and I have been in this together from day 1, and he is the biggest supporter of me out there.  He was working all day, going to school at night, and I was holding down the fort. But the truth is, for the most part, I was doing it alone . Diabetes is a horrible disease, not just for the people that have it, but for the families of those with diabetes as well. It is physically, mentally, and emotionally draining.
This year I have tried to have a brighter outlook. We are trying to make the best of everything. I am not taking anything for granted. Every moment with my family is cherished. I am so thankful for all the people in my life who have helped me deal with this disease and have been by my side all along. I still lack the energy to deal with certain things. If it doesn't involve my family and shows red flags for drama, I pass. I need to stay positive and surround myself with positive people. People who love me and my family and have our best interest in their hearts are the ones that matter.   
Life is a process, you can never go back and re-do. We can only move forward to improve. My mission as a mother and a wife is to put my family first. I will do everything I can to make them happy. I will continue to be an awesome wife, an incredible mother, and fight this disease!